I'm bored, and therefore I will share my latest project with the peoples of my list.

Morbid Bedtime Stories, for my manager Thom's new baby.



Once apon a time there lived a little girl named Lawrence. She and her mother made their home at the edge of a big, dense forest. Her mother always warned her not to stray too far into the woods, because there were mutants there who would eat her head. Lawrence never listened, because the idea of mutants was ridiculous, and anyway, she was old enough to take care of herself. One day, playing in the deep woods, she chose to pick flowers off a shrub. An eye peered back at her. Perusing further, she found a mutant. It was a cute little freak, with big green eyes that bulged out of its head and funny webbed feet that flopped as it bounced along. She named it Walter, and she scratched its fuzzy head and swatted its floppy ears and played with its wiggly tail and they had lots of fun, until it got hungry and ate her head.





Once there lived a little boy named Tyrese. he was a very serious child, who read a lot of books with big words like 'Theological Algorythms' and 'Idiosyncrasies of Criminal Psychology', and he rarely smiled. The other children tried to play with him, but whenever they did someone ended up crying, and Tyrese would smile a scary, evil sort of smile. The only game he liked to play was Battleship, and he was trribly, terribly good at it. He never seemed to enjoy what he did, he didn't seem to know how to have fun. Eventually the other children stopped trying to teach him. Tyrese never learned to have fun, and eventually he grew up to be a corporate lawyer.





Once there was a fishbowl. It was a pretty fishbowl, with colorful gravel and a little bubbling treasure chest. It sat in a window, in the sun. Once it had held a pretty female goldfish, but she sadly died after laying just one egg. A few days after she was taken from the bowl, the egg she'd left hatched. A tiny goldfish named Milo appeared, smiling in the sun. Unfortunately, he only stayed there about 4.5 seconds, until he realized he couldn't swim and floated to the top of the tank, where he died, miserable and alone.





One day there was a thingy at the mall. It was a weird gelatinous thingy, that kind of squeaked as it squirmed and bounced down the aisles. Sometimes it would approach people and stare at them with its one huge eye, and they would stare back or scream and run away. Eventually someone called security and it was escorted from teh premises, without ever having learned where the restroom was.





There once lived a little bunny, and he had no friends. He was a very sad bunny. One day he went for a walk in teh forest, and found some friends. This lasted a short while, until they turned on him and mocked him and he ran away in shame. He ran until he reached a street, where he was hit by a truck and died.



If anyone has stories to add to the book, please post them here! We hope to write them all into a blank journal with illustrations and present them to Thom before the kid is old enough to realize the morbidity of the stories.